Bigotoni rigate

Pasta magnate Guido Barilla doesn’t hate gays he just “doesn’t agree” with them (over chintz v. linen? Paper or plastic?).

“I would never do (a commercial) with a homosexual family, not for lack of respect but because we don’t agree with them. Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role,” Barilla, 55, said in an interview with Radio 24 on Wednesday.

He’s just a traditionalist, see.

” I simply wanted to highlight the central role of the woman in the family.”

Back in the kitchen, bitchez!

And if we don’t like it, Barilla invites us to “eat someone else’s pasta” (which is like Other People’s Pussy but pasta). I’ve got your pasta right here, papi.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bigotoni rigate

Ingredients

1 pound Barilla rigatoni rigate
1 jar Barilla marinara sauce
2 “lesbians”
1 pig man

Technique
Bring water to boil. Add thick, ridged rigatoni. Cook until turgid.

Meanwhile,  place “lesbians” in position on kitchen island. Instruct “lesbians” to make duckface at you while practicing traditional scissoring. Yell at wife to get in here and finish the ‘sketti. Slap wife on ass while grinning Silvio Berlosconi-style.

Molto delizioso!

Advertisements

Cabot’s shame

Cabot dairy, that Northeast co-op that makes some of the best cheddar in the world, needs a time out to think about what it’s done. Jumping on the Greek yogurt bandwagon, the company puts out something it calls “Greek-style” yogurt. It is neither Greek nor food.

A note on “-style”—In the US, at least, products suffixed with “-style” are usually cheap imitations of food. If “-style” foods were nightclub performers they would wear what is known as “K-mart drag.” Examples of this family include:

  • “Asian-style,” —noodles in a gelatinous sauce laden with an excess of sugar, without which Americans are unable to taste the food.
  • “Mexican-style”—contains no real Mexicans. Typically a tomato-based “salsa” with 1/16 teaspoon cumin per jar and. . .sugar.

The construction “-style” is also used to denote foods that want to fool you, but which would be dishonest to label as the actual thing they’re trying to be. Think how non-French bubbly is called “sparkling wine” instead of champagne.

This is Cabot Greek-style Yogurt. Actual Greek yogurt (note the lack of “-style”) is a creamy, deeply flavored treat made by straining the living hell out of yogurt until you have a product the consistency of the thickest sour cream. “Greek-style” yogurt is a cold mess of bland, sour yogurt that is not strained but, rather, bulked up with leftover whey protein. It achieves neither texture nor flavor, being both too thin and yucky in taste.

You’re better off sticking with real Greek yogurt. Fage brand is consistently excellent and I’ll have no other in my kitchen. It also makes an excellent starter for homemade yogurt (super easy, and we’ll blog about it later) that carries the same distinctive taste through to your homemade batch.