Bigotoni rigate

Pasta magnate Guido Barilla doesn’t hate gays he just “doesn’t agree” with them (over chintz v. linen? Paper or plastic?).

“I would never do (a commercial) with a homosexual family, not for lack of respect but because we don’t agree with them. Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role,” Barilla, 55, said in an interview with Radio 24 on Wednesday.

He’s just a traditionalist, see.

” I simply wanted to highlight the central role of the woman in the family.”

Back in the kitchen, bitchez!

And if we don’t like it, Barilla invites us to “eat someone else’s pasta” (which is like Other People’s Pussy but pasta). I’ve got your pasta right here, papi.

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Bigotoni rigate

Ingredients

1 pound Barilla rigatoni rigate
1 jar Barilla marinara sauce
2 “lesbians”
1 pig man

Technique
Bring water to boil. Add thick, ridged rigatoni. Cook until turgid.

Meanwhile,  place “lesbians” in position on kitchen island. Instruct “lesbians” to make duckface at you while practicing traditional scissoring. Yell at wife to get in here and finish the ‘sketti. Slap wife on ass while grinning Silvio Berlosconi-style.

Molto delizioso!

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12 thoughts on “Bigotoni rigate

  1. Pingback: Josh v Guido » Butterflies and Wheels

  2. Hey Guido, your pasta is on the grocery shelf right next to the Ronzoni pasta. The price is about the same. However the store brand is also on that shelf and is cheaper. Guess which brand I won’t be buying.

  3. I did not even get past the first word of the title before spraying beverage all over the monitor in a shameful snorting laugh.

  4. Great page design, Josh!
    As for the recipe, I’m going to substitute Kroger brand whole wheat pasta and sauce (never bought Barilla; will continue this tradition). I have access to a few lesbians, but not “lesbians.” Ah well, I’ll figure something out. A pig man though? I don’t even know what that is. How do I acquire a pig man?

  5. Well, lesbians in the Barilla-world are sorta like wasabi in the USA: it ‘s just pretend. Well, it’s concievably real, but rare enough that no thought need to into it. Anyway, no one expects you to use REAL lesbians, so make your own veggie version and it’ll be fine. The recipe is already taking that into account, no adjustments necessary(other than for personal taste)!

  6. Dammit! I wanted to make Spaghetti Carbonara tonight; I have the pasta, eggs, bacon, cream, and cheese, but where does one find a pair of authentic North American wood-cutters in the centre of Britain? And do they have to be straight, gay, bi? Serious chefs need to know.

  7. The Lesbian episode of Iron Chef was *amazing.* Chef Sakai really knows his way around a lesbian. I’ve tried to make the radish cake with smoked mountain lesbian dish at home, but it never really holds together.

Dish, gurl!

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