Corned Beef, Roasted Potatoes, and Brussels Sprouts

This is going to be good. For my birthday, I’m eating in and eating well. I’m not Irish, but I LOVE corned beef. My wife doesn’t love cabbage, but that’s OK to because Brussels sprouts are like mini, tastier cabbage anyways. This one is simple and easy and very tasty, and makes a plate of food that looks like you worked pretty hard. 

Corned Beef:

Cut open the bag that the corned beef came in, and throw away all that “juice”. Rinse the corned beef, place it in a pot and cover it with water and/or chicken broth. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat to a simmer. Cook for about 45 minutes per pound. Slice the corned beef thinly along a diagonal angle across the grain. Top with Grey Poupon, of course. 🙂

Roasted Potatoes:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Cut small red potatoes into quarters, about 2 per person. Toss in a bowl with olive oil, fresh-ground pepper, and sea salt. Transfer to a oven safe pan or sheet, and cook for 45-60 minutes, or until they are nice and crispy. Turn once about halfway through so they cook on both sides. Sprinkle some fresh rosemary on top and you’re done!

Brussels sprouts:

Melt 3-4 tablespoons of butter in a skillet on medium low heat, then add 2 teaspoons of garlic and salt to taste. Slice off just the very base of the sprouts and slice in half long-ways. Place the sprouts cut-side down in the butter, top with black pepper, and cover the skillet. Raise the temperature to medium and cook for about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand covered for five minutes before serving. 

Meat Stuffed Plantain

Sweet and spicy are combined in one dish for an excellent meal.

Ingredients

*2 yellow plantains, ripe

*1 lb Meat (beef or turkey or diced chicken)

*1/2 cut diced onion

*1/2 jalapeno pepper

*1/2 Long Hot pepper

*1 Sweet pepper

*2 table spoon butter

*Cinnamon

*Brown Sugar

*Chili Powder

*Garlic powder (or fresh crushed Garlic), about 2 teaspoons

*4 table spoons of diced tomato and juice

Peel the plantains by slicing off the tips of each end and then removing the skin. Be careful not to break the fruit apart. Make a small incision along the plantains and gently start to open it, be sure not to completely separate them so make the cut shallow.

Prepare a grilling surface and heat to medium. Put plantains on grill with the open side facing up. Add the butter in thin slices onto the plantains and sprinkle on cinnamon. Cook until the butter melts completely into the plantains. Turn over and cook for about an equivalent amount of time (took about 8 minutes for me but it will vary based on your grill/stove). On the other side sprinkle on brown sugar and make sure it caramelizes into the plantain. Flip over again and cook until the plantain crisps up. Do the same for the other side

In a frying pan or wok, coat in oil and heat to medium. Add in sliced onions and drizzle brown sugar over them. Cook until the onions are transparent and caramelized

Chop the peppers as fine as you can (again be careful using hot peppers, they can actually hurt if they get in your eyes). Add them, garlic and the ground meat of your choice into the pan. Stir and mix well.

Brown the meat while peroidically stiring it and mixing it with the onions and peppers. Add in the diced tomatoe. Season as you go with chili powder. Cook until brown.

Using a spoon dish the meat into the slit of the plantains. Serve over rice.

DIY bread crumbs

Blotzphoto left a great tip in a comment:

“Just save the heels of your sandwich bread in the freezer until you have a critical mass of them. Fill your food processor and give them a buzz. Then spread them out on a cookie sheet and toast them in a 200 (F) degree oven until they are all dried out. Transfer to a container of choice and store in the freezer. Don’t have a food processor? Toast your heels in the oven first until dried and toasty, then grabbing as many as is comfortable run them over the fine holes on a box grater,

Spiced Noodles

A great noodle dish that can be used as the base for other more complex recipes or as a great side or main course.

Ingredients

* 1/2 lb Spaghetti

* 2 tablespoon soy sauce

* 2 tea spoon ginger

* 1 teaspoon garlic (ground or minced)

* 1/4 cup diced mushroom

*1 table spoon butter

*2 eggs

* Asian Chili sauce

Prepare the pasta and strain it. Rinse well with cold water and let dry.

In a large high rimed frying pan or a wok lightly oil and preheat to medium. Put noodles in and add the butter atop of them. Stir until the butter melts into the noodles. Add the soy sauce, ginger and garlic while tossing and string the pasta regularly. Cook until the soy sauce is fully boiled away or absorbed into the noodles. Don’t over cook, you don’t want them to be crispy. Sprinkle in some sesame seeds and stir.

At the end put in a spritz of the chili sauce and stir, the sauce is very potent so you only want a little to add some kick. Put into a serving bowel.

Fry the two eggs and serve over the noodles.

*You can optionally change the recipe slightly by adding in diced beef, turkey or chicken as you add the soy sauce. Diced cubes of bean curd is also a great addition.

Count To Three Salsa

In my opinion a perfect mix of spicy but not over powering. It seems really mild but count to three and…

ingredients

1 jalapeno pepper

1 long hot pepper

1 baby sweet pepper

1/4 cup diced onion (optional)

2 cup diced tomato

1 Teaspoon brown sugar

1 sprinkling of chili powder

Dice each pepper into really really fine pieces (I personally use my slap chopper to quickly reduce them to tiny minced bits). Be careful with the Jalapeno, they are REALLY hot and should be used with a light hand. Wear gloves if possible and be sure to wash your hands. Mix ingredients together and sprinkle some chili powder in.  Enjoy cold with your favorite chips. Ideally it should come out with a sweet initial taste but a sudden burst of pleasant spice within three seconds.

 

I made mine because a full pepper was too much to spice my meat with for the Plantain recipe so I used half of those items to make the salsa

Boston-Style Baked Beans

Another old family recipe! This is an excellent one to come home to at the end of a long day.

Ingredients

1 pound dry beans: use navy beans or Jacob’s cattle beans for best results.

1 large onion, peeled

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup dark molasses

1 teaspoon dry mustard

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce (ALERT: Worcestershire sauce contains anchovies)

1 cup packed brown sugar

Directions

Wash beans, then cover with water and soak overnight.

Drain beans, then re-cover in fresh water. Boil for 10 minutes, until skin breaks when gently blown on.

Combine all other ingredients in crock-pot.

Pour beans and water into pot. Stir to mix all ingredients. Cover.

If using crock-pot, cook 9-11 hours on “low.” Uncover the last hour, if desired, to reduce liquid volume.

 

Goes excellently with sausages and heavy black bread.

Red Meatballs

This recipe is a bit of an oddball. It’s an old family recipe, and can be summarized thusly: Swedish meatballs. In a tomato-based sweet-and-sour sauce. Served over noodles.

Ingredients:

Meatballs

1 pound ground turkey

1 tablespoon minced dried onion

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1/4 teaspoon parsley

1/2 cup bread crumbs or cornmeal

1 egg

Sauce

8 oz canned tomato sauce

1 tablespoon ketchup

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce (ALERT: Worcestershire sauce contains anchovies)

3 whole cloves

1/2 bay leaf

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

Noodles

I prefer the use of wide egg noodles, but this is a personal choice. Any wide noodle will do.

Directions:

Meatballs

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Mix evenly. Shape into 1-inch balls. Brown in olive oil. Make sure they cook entirely through!

Sauce

Combine all ingredients in medium saucepan. Bring to a boil. Add cooked meatballs. Return to boil, then reduce heat, cover, and let simmer 10  minutes.

Prepare noodles and drain.

For best results, serve the meatballs and sauce on a bed of noodles.

Bigotoni rigate

Pasta magnate Guido Barilla doesn’t hate gays he just “doesn’t agree” with them (over chintz v. linen? Paper or plastic?).

“I would never do (a commercial) with a homosexual family, not for lack of respect but because we don’t agree with them. Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role,” Barilla, 55, said in an interview with Radio 24 on Wednesday.

He’s just a traditionalist, see.

” I simply wanted to highlight the central role of the woman in the family.”

Back in the kitchen, bitchez!

And if we don’t like it, Barilla invites us to “eat someone else’s pasta” (which is like Other People’s Pussy but pasta). I’ve got your pasta right here, papi.

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Bigotoni rigate

Ingredients

1 pound Barilla rigatoni rigate
1 jar Barilla marinara sauce
2 “lesbians”
1 pig man

Technique
Bring water to boil. Add thick, ridged rigatoni. Cook until turgid.

Meanwhile,  place “lesbians” in position on kitchen island. Instruct “lesbians” to make duckface at you while practicing traditional scissoring. Yell at wife to get in here and finish the ‘sketti. Slap wife on ass while grinning Silvio Berlosconi-style.

Molto delizioso!

Tuscan-style bean soup with vegan sausage

You may be tempted to add carrot. Don’t. The sweetness isn’t right for this soup and it will disappoint.

Ingredients

  • 1 pound dried beans (navy, pinto, white beans of choice)
  • 1 medium onion, diced
  • 2 stalks celery, chopped rough
  • 2 teaspoons dried thyme (or fresh, use a bit less)
  • 1/2 teaspoon rosemary
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 4 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 2 links Tofurkey vegan Italian sausage, chopped coarse
  • 1 tsp. crushed red pepper
  • 1 tbsp. vegetable oil for sauteeing (not extra-virgin olive oil. It will smoke and turn bitter)
  • Juice of one lemon
  • 1/2 tsp. liquid hickory smoke flavor
  • enough salt

Technique

Sautee  veggie sausage, onion, celery, thyme, rosemary, and red pepper in veg. oil in a dutch oven (or open pressure cooker) until  vegetables are translucent and sausage begins to crisp. Sprinkle with salt to draw out moisture in the beginning. Add garlic near the end of cooking and stir frequently.

Add 5 cups of water, bay leaf, and a fuckton of salt.

  • If using pressure cooker-bring to pressure, turn heat to low, and cook 25 minutes. Release pressure, check bean tenderness and water level, and return to pressure for another 20 minutes or so. Let your experience guide you. If you have none, don’t worry about overcooking. Allow pressure to release naturally at end of cooking time.
  • If simmering on stove top-bring to a boil, reduce heat and cover loosely. Stir occasionally. Simmer at least an hour and a half, adding time (and water, if necessary) until beans are very tender.

Take potato masher and mash beans until at least half of them are pureed and have thickened the soup and made it creamy. Stir vigorously and add first the lemon juice, then the hickory smoke liquid. Check for saltiness and add if necessary.

Serve with extra virgin olive oil to drizzle, black pepper, and pass parmesan.

 

Slow roasted pork butt

Blame it on Salma Hayek’s breasts.

I wanted to see them so bad, I rented “Desperado”. The boobs were nice, the movie was better. So when the sequel came out, I had to see it too. On the DVD special features for “Once Upon a Time In Mexico” there’s a recipe for puerco pibil, which is slow-roasted pork marinated in spices, citrus and vinegar for the acid, and a splash of tequila. I’ve modified it a bit: I leave off the tequila, and if you’re using pre-ground spices you need to use about 25% less than the whole bits. The exact amounts of ingredients is pretty forgiving in this recipe, and substitutions are fine. Leave off the habaneros if you’re especially sensitive to spicy foods, but otherwise it doesn’t add excessive heat.

The only thing that it NOT negotiable is the annatto seed, which gives the pork its signature color. (In a pinch, you can add a couple of packets of Goya sazon.)

Ingredients:

  • 4-5 pounds pork butt, chopped into 2-3″ cubes
  • 5 tablespoons annatto seeds
  • 2 teaspoons cumin seeds
  • 1 tablespoon black peppercorns
  • 1/2 teaspoon whole cloves
  • 8 whole allspice berries
  • 3 tablespoons sea salt
  • 1 cup bitter orange juice (or 1/2 cup white vinegar and 1/2 cup orange juice)
  • 1/2 cup lemon juice
  • 1/2 cup lime juice
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 8 cloves garlic
  • 2 habanero peppers, seeded and chopped (wear gloves!!!)
  • 1 shot of tequila (optional)
  • Banana leaves if you can find them.

Technique:

Grind dry spice ingredients in a coffee grinder until fine. Place all the other ingredients except the pork and banana leaves in a blender, add the dry spice mix to the blender, and blend it on a medium high setting for about two minutes.

Put the pork butt in a large bowl or freezer bag, and pour the blended goodness over the top. Let marinate covered for 4 hours or so, up to overnight.

Line a roasting pan with banana leaves or aluminum foil, add the pork and marinade to the pan and put more banana leaves over the top. Cover tightly with foil, and bake at 325 for 4 hours.

Serve over rice, or in warmed soft tortillas.